fowarding backwards

OK, so....about Jess.

Remember how I hadn't looked at his messages because I expected the worst? I guess. I dunno why I didn't look at them. Maybe I'm glad I didn't.

Well.....

He was wanting me to go to this dance. In his neighborhood, mind you. Yeah, he was going to show his Mom. Something. I guess. I dunno why he couldn't have told me this weeks ago. It was like he finally decided..to hell with his mom and her beliefs and what not and..and I was gonna be his girlfriend. Yeah, gonna be.

Now.....

He's pissed. Won't take any of my messages. And when he did. It was like, he can't forgive me.

For what? I texted back. I can't believe he'd be this way. I mean. I have to act like I don't know him half the time, anyway. Everything has to be all hush hush.

This could have been so perfect. Jesse and me. And now, it shit. That's all it is. I don't like being the one at fault. Because, really is it all my fault? Totally me? Huh?

OK, so maybe I feel differently about somebody else right now. But.

Yes, I do like Ren. And, and I can't let things get really serious. At least at the moment. I know. I know. School's starting. And its a new year and so much to look forward too. Why can't I look forward to anything? Why do I have to feel so blue. Miserable. Sasha is coming over to help me figure out what to wear. I'm not even sure I want her help.